Sunday, November 8, 2009

I've Never Seen...


A fat and ugly vampire.
One of my young cousins just saw the movie From Dusk Till Dawn.
The thing we noticed was that there are never fat or ugly vampires.
Usually, vampires are portrayed as the "Cool Kids" on the block (Lost Boys, Twilight).
And except for the Succubus played by Grace Jones,

Vampires are usually portrayed as sexy Sirens leading their victims to the rocky shores of lust. (Bloodrayne)

Even in video games - the ideal vampire is a sylphic seductress (Nitara - Mortal Kombat).

In movies, the image is much the same (Ultraviolet).

Even the urbane vampires who hunt the urban werewolves in Underworld are portrayed as sexy and glamorous.

And Salma... (From Dusk To Dawn).

And the hotness isn't limited to race. Aaliyah makes being damned seem desirable (Queen Of The Damned).

And Dracula pulled not one but three appropriately desirable women.
I don't know...
Maybe those making these movies are afraid of a fat vampire.
If a thin vampire needed to kill that many people to survive, Imagine the damage done by a vampire the size of Mo'Nique!
Or maybe it's a play on the Biblical Whore of Babylon who leads men to their distruction through their various lusts.

8 comments:

RainaHavock said...

I actually saw a fat ugly vampire on the first episode of True Blood.

FreeMan said...

Well if being covert is the key to being a vampire then the fat one might bring too much of the wrong attention!

We all know if Salma was biting necks alot of men would go willingly. But in Blade I think the first one wasn't the blob thing a vampire that had gotten a bit too fat?

uglyblackjohn said...

@ Raina - I knew you'd notice that. My eyes were fixed on the fine ones.

@ FreeMan - Eternity with Salma? I could live with that.

RainaHavock said...

@UBJ: But of course I'm the Vampire fanatic I notice everything!

RainaHavock said...

I would also like to add that Twilight is vampire blasphemy. Vampires don't Sparkle!!!

Mr. Noface said...

There actually was a fat and ugly vampire in "From Dusk til Dawn." She was an extra though.

Truth B. Told said...

Isn't human blood low calorie and low fat? Maybe they are trying to be consistent, LOL.

doll said...

I was going to say the exact same as truth be told. Blood is probably a high protein, low carb, low fat meal. Are those that follow the Atkins diet probable vampires?

Additional thought is that vampires probably need to be agile and flexible to round up their prey and a 200lb vampire might not have the stamina nor endurance.