Monday, January 31, 2011

I'm Better Than You

 What's our fixation with being better than everyone else?
Isn't it better just to be ones best self?
 I come from a family which has been free since long before the beginning on the Civil War.
The lighter skinned Black children of slave owners in Louisiana were often given educations and the rights and ownership of property.
My Families have donated land for churches and schools for their communities.
As someone recently said to me, "You have a good name."
But I am not my name.
I am not defined by what those who came before me did or did not do.
I am not defined by membership in any group or organization.

But many members of my family think that they are better than those around them.
My grandmother was member of the first class to integrate the nursing program of a local university.
But the thing I could never stand was her constant need to become a member of some 'exclusive' group.
Why join a sorority which is just an imitation of that which you claim to despise?
The thing I could not understand was that most of these groups were founded to exclude others because those founding these groups were excluded from joining the parallel white groups.
 If I have to sit through another affectational cotillion which favors light skinned Blacks over the darker ones I'm through.
 If I have to listen to the 'Sisters' of my grandmother, aunts and cousins tell me how 'important' the Eastern Stars are I'm joining the Klan.
 If I have to listen to another pitch from the 'brothers' of my grandfather, uncles or cousins in the Prince Hall Masons or Knights of Peter Claver for membership I'm leaving town.
 If I have to hear someone brag about membership in Jack and Jill I'm moving to the hood.
Hint: If you need classes to learn the social mores of a certain class, chances are that you are not a member of that class.

Sure, sometimes I'll use these connections when it suits me.
Like Paul in the Bible stressing his Roman citizenship when it suited him, I'll mention my family ties to get people to just shut the eff up.
But most people in the South still think we are living in the Antebellum South.
Many of the traditions here go back hundreds of years.
Most ways of thinking are still those of centuries past.
When I tell someone that they are not limited to the thinking of others, "That's because you're light", or "have good hair", or "come from a good family", most say.
But shouldn't this carry even more weight?
If I was poor, dark, had bebees and was actually ugly - wouldn't those hearing this think that I was only saying that these traits didn't matter because I didn't have those traits often thought to be superior?

Look, people are going to be treated as being inferior as long as they think that they are inferior.
People are going to settle for less as long as they think that's all they deserve.
Until people begin to exercise their free will and exert their personal responsibility/authority they will always be subjugated by another group.
People are going to chase status until they realize that the trick is to let those who have status seek them.
People remain in the hood for generation after generation because many believe that that is where they belong.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

That is the same exact situation with my grandma and her family.

My grandmas parents were slaves here in P.R. So my grandma and her sisters and the rest of the family were always very conservative and created/joined all these same type of socialand church groups.
They went to an Adventist church which held them in higher esteem than the predominantly Spaniard Catholic church. They were always trying to mimic society and another thing is they would do was try to "fix the race" (their words, not mine) by marrying as white as possible.

I guess this was their way of fitting into a society that had enslaved them and still treated them like outcasts. But what a satisfaction it was to my grandma when one of us achieved a degree pr opened a business that a white Spaniard couldn't/wouldn't/didn't!
They were always trying to better their position in life, always.

brohammas said...

I am much more of an inclusive than exclusive person... not a big fan of snobbery in any shade.
Yet at the same time I do have an appreciation of any orgsanization with history and tradition.
Mind you, that is history and tradition, not faux history.

DF said...

Hundreds of years of BS and reinforced by people who believe the world hasn't changed one bit. I guess you are in the heart of it and since you know it's not the truth then capitalize on it.

You can only feel excluded of seek inclusion to a group or people you feel is better than your current station or what you can do for yourself!


Some people are destined to be Customers and this makes up the majority of the world. The only way to change them is through their surroundings. So steer the cattle don't talk to them.

Plane Ideas said...

Interesting insights ..The question I have if these mores and traditions had Black orgins would you have such disdain for them??

I don't argue that your contempt is not appropriate but I am wondering is it worth making those upset that are part of your family circles???

uglyblackjohn said...

@ Desertflower - I meet people who try to 'fix the race' all the time.
I'm amazed that so many women out here think that I'm more desirable because I have 'good hair'.
"Good Hair"?
When they ask why I don't line/edge my hairline I just tell them that I don't have to.
The line/edge is done by people with bebees to enhance a hairline.
I'm more than my hair so I don't care - I just gel and go.
It's odd - the smallest things seem to matter the most to those with the least.

@ brohammas - I love tradition.
I like Desertflower's stories of life in PR. I like Preps. I like anything which connects a family or community.
I just don't like when these are used to traet someone else as though they were inferior.

@ FreeMan - Man... it sucks to be someone people always look to.
I like being a member of a team.
Sure, I could exploit the culture here - but I want to make the culture better.

Our local school superintendent is the highest paid in the state (and we have a small district which is underperforming).
But the guy is building hotels and sports complexes and naming them after himself.
Many Blacks here think that he is doing well because he is getting a lot of shine (and hate from the local press).
But the schools still suck.
He is not doing his job and many Black people here hate when I point this out.
He's making himself look like a king instead of leading his constituents to better educations.

I don't want to be the richest Black guy in the middle of a bunch of poor Black idiots.
I want to be a rich Black guy in a city filled with smart rich Black guys.

@ Thrasher - Yep. Why pretend that you're of more value than the next guy?
I like being able to go to better places and to do better things but we were taught that it was tacky to make someone else feel lowly because they couldn't.
I have little use for the origin, only the practices matter to me.
If they feel that they need to be part of a group to do well - they are easily led.

I'm not concerned about the feelings of most people I meet here.
I'm originaly from Cali and most of my close friends are there.
This affords me the opportunity to speak honestly without having to feel as though I'll lose a friend.

CNu said...

from a pure quality of life perspective, it's never desirable to be the smartest guy in the room...,

uglyblackjohn said...

@ SeeNew - Which is why I show up at your spot.

Plane Ideas said...

I think you have self esteem issues of course since I don't know you nor a part of your family I can stay whatever....lol,lol,lol

I like you site but that is how I am going to roll whenever I post here....Just sayin..