Monday, March 9, 2009

You Play Too Rough

When we were kids, we would jump each other for fun.
In middle school, Robbie Rosales and I would hide behind some bushes and jump our friends Dave, Wayne, Wayne, and Ken before catching our bus home.
The next day they would trap us in an alley and jump us.
The principal thought we were fighting, but it was just a game.

The current CEO of Sun Microsystems and his friends were some of the kids whom one of my friends and I would attack by throwing oranges at them as we walked from our classes at the local high school back to our middle school.
The principal thought that we were picking on the nerds - but we were in the same classes and could have been thought to be nerds ourselves.
We'd been in classes with and known these kids most of our lives - we were just playing.

My boy D. Glen and I jumped my younger brother and his friend at the neighborhood multi-plex cinema in what was thought to be a good part of town. My brother and his friend were big for their age (6'2" - 6'4" in the eighth grade), so we weren't really picking on them.
Some suburban white woman screamed "Run... gangs!".
We just laughed and said that we knew the kids.
But her assumption was that a group of Black kids fighting had to be from the other part of town and gang related.
But we were just playing and lived in an area that was as good as (if not better than) her's.

My brothers and I would have jokes for anyone who came to our house.
My step dad worked nights (and my mom didn't live with us) so we had a cool spot to hang out.
Even when someone else had good material, they'd hear crickets.
Many-a-Negro (well, anybody) went home mad at our verbal gang attack.
But these were our best friends - we were just playing.

When I used to gamble too much, I missed one of my friend's wedding week.
I'd been on a binge to Vegas and the local casinos.
I'd already lost cars, jobs, homes and women because of my actions.
I was supposed to be a groomsman, but I arrived during the reception.
The bride asked if I was okay and gave me a kiss.
Later, a group of friends picked me up and body slammed me.
(Apparently, this is what it took to get me to listen.)
After getting the lecture and the plan to get my ish together (a place to live, a car, and a new connection for a new job) - we went back to drinking together.
Was I mad? Nope.
While my ribs were hurt - my pride wasn't.
These guys were just trying to help me get my ish back to normal.
This is what good friends do (when necessary).

One of the complaints I most often hear is that Black people are too loud or too aggressive.
But this is cultural - not genetic.

I had a cousin get fired recently from a customer service job.
Apparently, he yelled at a customer.
When he tried to explain what happened, he was yelling.
But this way of speaking is common in his home.
It's just the way his family communicates.
But what is acceptable in one environment can be seen as unacceptable in another.

This lack of understanding (coupled with an underlying fear) is what causes many misunderstandings to escalate into aggression. (As is the case with many police responses, racial responses and gender responses.)
Someone who is not familiar with an assertive or honest way of speaking may interpret the same as aggression (or a personal attack).
Their natural response is to retaliate with aggression of their own.
The initial intention can sometimes be misunderstood.

When someone points out a flaw in one's thinking or actions, it's not the same as challenging someone to a fight.
It may be someone trying to be helpful.
It may just be on the same level as telling someone that they have a booger in their nose.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Well I have to agree primarily because I am used to brutal honesty. Sometimes it's embarrassing but most of the time it's just the way it is. In my neighborhood the older cats used to beat us up and chase us down the streets sometimes to 2 to 3 am in the summer. People would always think it was gang related but really they were like our older brothers so it was a fun bonding experience that we enjoyed.

From the outside it always looks cruel, aggressive and even gang related but most of the time its just the customs of the neighborhood. This is why people get beat the hell up for jumping into things they know nothing about. Next time the white lady runs saying gangs chase her ass and throw a trash can at her so it can be true! LOL

RunningMom said...

This story was GREAT! The shenanigans!

I agree that different groups (not necessarily based on race, but sometimes it is) do communicate in different styles. In business - majority rules. If you work in a company where they yell and swear and that's normal - you don't have to do it, just don't be offended if everyone else does.

If you work in a company where everyone is mild mannered and polite and kind, you will stand out if you start cursing and yelling to get your point across.

Doesn't mean you can't be you - but sometimes adaptation to your environment is necessary for survival.

When you are the one running the show - you get to pick the "culture" of your company and the personalites of the people you hire.

But hopefully they won't be tackling each other to prove a point, lol!

DPizz said...

I enjoy how you use colorful descriptions of events from your own life to illustrate your points.

While these "cultural" differences are the source of a lot of misunderstanding, they also can be the source of some good amusement and appreciation of differences between cultures.

uglyblackjohn said...

@ Freeman - Yep, most people should just let the big dogs fight - unless they want to be bitten.
I just seem to run into trouble (here in this small town) with people who can't take a joke.
I'm automatically assumed to be looking down on people. But I'm saying things TO a person - not ABOUT them. It's taken a while for them to get use to my humor. Especially people who have some sort of title.

@ RunningMom - It's usually more culturally based than race. Race is just an easy example.

@ DPizz - Yeah... while not color blind, most people were color tolerant... no, people would bag on anyone. As long as it was funny, most people would just laugh and give props where they were due.
A lot of white people here are shocked when I talk ish about them. An the ish is funny.