Friday, October 15, 2010

Not That, This

 Most of the 'problem kids' I deal with are really just victims of poor/lazy parenting.
In an era in which adults value material goods more than spiritual necessities - what else should one expect?
If a parent is not acting in a respectable manner - why should anyone expect children to treat their parents with respect?
Today, many parents seem to be primarily concerned with being cool, with being popular, with impressing the neighbors.
But these are childish values.
What child would respect any adult who acts/thinks like one of his own grade school friends?
 Many of these parents outsource the responsibilities that go along with being a parent.
Instead of teaching their children, many hire tutors.
Instead of spending time with their children, many just buy gadgets to pass the child's idle time.
But this fosters synthetic relationships instead of strengthening the parent-child bond.
 Today, I had a woman ask me to talk to her troubled son.
Apparently, her son stopped listening to her advice.
But this woman has no job, bad credit, is always at "Da' club" and always has different men sleeping over.
What boy would respect anyone who is doing worse than himself?
This woman considers herself to be a good mother.
When I tried to explain her deficiencies to her, "I buy him everything he wants.", is all she could say.
But this is the problem.
She buys things to compensate for her own shortcomings as a parent.
But children can see through the camouflage.
A child knows the expected differences between his parents and his peers.
How many good people does it take to take the place of a bad parent?


Reggie said...

Excellent post John. She won't get it, people like her never do.

The sad thing is that our nation is filled with millions of people just like her.

amanda said...

Do you think that perhaps part of the problem is the devaluation of adulthood. That we have had a number of decades now where youth is celebrated and maturity denigrated. Leading to people of my age being reluctant to stand proud about the experiences and wisdom we are gaining and instead attempt to continue to kid ourselves that we are young and cool.

Mr. Noface said...

Excellent post man. As a child I used to think that the best parents were the ones who were their child's best friend. As I grew up and watched how some of my peers had taken advantage of their parents' "friendship" (to their own detriment) I began to understand the wisdom in the phrase "I'm not your friend, I'm you mom/dad!"

Liam said...

interesting. i know parents who seem to only buy their children things in some sad attempt and belittling a less fortunate parent. it seems from jump a lot of the single mothers/fathers ive encountered had children for all the wrong reasons in the first place and its no wonder that these sort of things happen. hopefully for the sake of that lil boy something changes soon, im tired of seeing us behind bars and in caskets.

brohammas said...

YEah this is an issue that reaches across the racial line.

I spend a HUGE amount of my time with youth trying to make up for lack of parenting and I am conviced that in answer to your last question... NO ONE can replace a parent. It simply can't be done. We may be able to help a little here and there but no one but a parent can actually parent (I inlcude adopted parents and relatives acting as life long parent as parents here).

D.Freeman said...

No one can replace a parent but BOARDING SCHOOL would make sure the majority of people are not going crazy. The parents provide love which is hard to replace but a good structure could make sure he's not a menace to society.

Well we better figure it out as there are a lot of people coming up with no love. Poor spirited people compensate with materials while people rich in spirit share what they know and teach lessons.

The future looks like a crack relapse right now with how many people are really unprepared for the world. I personally think it's a return to putting people in the Blue Collar class. When all you qualify for is digging ditches you'll be forced to do it if that's all you can do to eat.

Get ready for a future where the Have NOT's are really without! It's going to be tough.

uglyblackjohn said...

@ Reg - I think a lot of people will never get it - but these same people will blame everyone else because things went wrong for them (even though they were always told to change themselves).

@ Miss AJ - Maybe, but there is nothing more ridiculous than a fifty year old guy trying to look (and act) twenty.

@ Mr NoFace - I think many became affluent too easily and too soon.
But the economy has changed and many don't know how to function when actual work is required.

@ Liam - Yeah... that situation sucks as well.
But it is still a parent trying to compensate for poor parenting skills.

@ "...acting as lifelong..."
Lifelong being the key.
Listen to anyone who has done well, "..used to always tell me..." is often cited.
Not, "once told me...".

@ FreeMan - The country is going broke trying to prevent the poor from being poor.
Poor used to be hard - these days, it's too comfortable to be poor.

D.Freeman said...

Well if the country is going broke trying to prevent the poor from being poor then in the end it'll accomplish that by making everyone they know poor too!

I heard when two people are drowning they said try to save yourself as the other person might pull you down with them. I think the minimum effort the government exerts produces the minimum.