Sunday, February 28, 2010

No Left Turn

"Yeah, but they listen to you.", is a common remark made by the mothers of the boys I mentor.
It's not so much that they listen - but that I have rules.
I often hear complaints that these boys don't follow rules.
But the real issue is that these boys don't follow unknown expectations.

If a kid is never told what he may or may not do - the kid will use his own poor judgement.
If a kid is never told how something should be done - the kid will use his own low standards.
If it isn't forbidden, it must be allowed.
Simple; It's the same as someone deciding whether to turn left.

(I asked. These boys said they were not offended by the term "Niglets". They say I only use the term when they've done something wrong.)


brohammas said...

That kid I used to go to court for all the time last year, his Mom would ask me to talk to her kid. Seems he would hang out with this cousin all the time despite her telling him not too.
I asked if she had that part of the family over to the house, if they ever did stuff over there, basicly HER involvment with the family.
She said they are family all the time but that I should talk about that ONE boy.
I told her it didn't matter what I said, till she stopped associating with that family herself, or actually enforced some rules.

uglyblackjohn said...

@ brohammas - I had to teach a woman how to teach her children what she expected - not just wait until they'd messed up and THEN start to complain.
It will take ten or twenty people like me to take the place of one parent like her.