Monday, November 30, 2009

Angry Old Ladies

Today I had a run-in with a couple of old ladies.
No, I didn't fight them - they were just mad that the others existed.

At the beginning and end of every month, I take several elderly ex-tenants and elderly acquaintances around town to pay their bills, shop for groceries, fill prescriptions, make home and auto repairs, and sometimes to just sit and talk.
But recently, a group of elderly ladies has become upset because I help the other elderly ladies.
None of these ladies is related to me, but each feels as though I am a member of their family.

Thanksgiving weekend is a tiresome time.
Why?
Because each lady expects me to spend several hours re-listening to the same stories they've been telling me for years.
When one asks the reason of my missing the main course of a meal, and my reason is that I had to fix some one's roof - all hell breaks loose.
It's getting to the point where I don't even mention that the other ladies exist at all.

But I have an elderly great-aunt to whom I often go for advice.
When I explained the problem - my aunt simply stated, "John... They are old - not dead."
She began to explain that these women probably haven't the attention of a man in some years.
She further explained that tall, light skinned brotha's with good hair were a desired commodity to those of their generation.
She further explained that being able to brag of such a one to one's friends was a form of one-upmanship.

Honestly, I should have noticed it earlier when one drunk old lady cussed me out for bringing a stripper (Whom I was doing) to her family's bar-b-que.
"What does she have on me beside age", she yelled.
"Oh... and those big ass (44DDD) tiddies.", she continued.
"And a nice hard round ass", she finished.
"And teeth. And an attractive face..." I should have added.
But really, when did these old ass ladies imagine that someone helping them was anything more than just that.
From now on - If she doesn't look like Raquel Welch, Tina Turner or Sophia Lauren at their ages - I'm not helping her!

4 comments:

FreeMan said...

Damn damn damn expectations UBJ! They ran the nice out of you now too! LMBAO

Tell them pimpin ain't easy and it ain't fun either.

1990 said...

LOL. been reading your blog for a while now. This by far is one of your most hilarious post.

brohammas said...

real coversation:
75 year old black lady:
"Would you ever marry a black woman?"
me:
"sure"
75 year old:
"Marry a baptist?"
me:
"nope. gotta be Mormon."
75 year old lady:
"Mmmmmmm, hm! if this was 25 years ago youd have me given up all my bad habits, sugah!"

me:
"...... (crickets)"

uglyblackjohn said...

@ FreeMan - The thing is, I was back it again today.

@ 1990 - Real life IS funny.

@ brohammas - Has she seen your wife?