Sunday, August 2, 2009

Over Rated - Top Five

Okay, there are more than five - but the short list has to include Smores.
Every kid is told of the delightful taste of this concoction and has tried to make a perfect example without the burned marshmallow.
But the reality is;
The marshmallow is always burnt,
the chocolate isn't melted,
and the graham cracker is dry.
Somehow, the reality doesn't live up to the expectation.

Sex on the Beach is a fantasy of every adolescent male.
While the drink is a bit too sweet (and over rated itself) - the sexual act is a bit too salty (or sandy, to be more precise.).
The movies portray sex on a beach as romantic - but in reality;
the water is often too cold,
sand gets stuck in places that one wouldn't want it,
and the sand often has fleas.

When did everybody begin to need a Jacuzzi bath tub?
This is the biggest waste of space in a house.
I've used mine twice.
The tubs:
take too long to fill,
don't stay hot,
and sex in a Jacuzzi ruins condoms and dries sensitive areas.

I like women and I like basketball - but the WNBA sucks.
And women with fake basketballs on their chests are even worse.
Sure, big boobs look nice - but they feel like balloons that are about to pop.
Big boobs remind every man of their infancy - when boobs represented everything that was good.
Big boobs provided food when hungry, comfort when afraid, warmth when cold, and a nice place to take a nap.
But Fake Big Boobs are probably one of the most overrated inventions - second only to...
The Big Twelve.
I live in Texas,
where football is almost a religion.
From late August until mid January,
(When the Cowboys and Texans realize that any chance for Super Bowl rings will have to wait another year.)
- football dominates every weekend from Thursday afternoon junior high school games until Monday Night Football broadcasts.
People always ask me what it was that I did in Cali. if I wasn't attending a high school football game on a Friday night.
People here don't seem to understand that football is a big deal in California (Concord De La Salle and Long Beach Poly are in the hunt for a national title every year.)
It's just that there is more to do in Cali. than to attend a high school football game.
Texas All-Stars stopped playing the California All-Stars because they were tired of being embarrassed every year.
Texas All-stars now settle for playing the All-Stars from Louisiana.
Yes, Vince Young did lead the Longhorns to a victory over the favoured USC Trojans -but, Texans like to remember the past as though it happened yesterday ("Remember the Alamo", "The South will rise again", "We were once our own country",...).
'98 - Tennessee
'99 - Florida State
'00 - Oklahoma
'01 - Miami
'02 - Ohio State
'03 - USC/LSU
'04 - USC
'05 - Texas
'06 - Florida
'07 - LSU
'08 - Florida

The Pac Ten doesn't pride itself as a "Football Conference" - but USC alone has as many national titles (2 apiece, since the BCS was started in 1998) as does the whole Big Twelve.
And Stanford consistently wins the title for most all-around national championships in all sports in the USA Today's yearly rating system.
A "Football Conference" should at least be tied with the SEC (with five national titles).
I'm sure there are more things, people or places that are over-rated - but IMO, the most over-rated is the Big Twelve.


FreeMan said...

LOL @ sex on the beach - I agree it's a fantasy that doesn't live up to expectations in fact bring two beach towels.

What did you do in Cali huh? I used to get that same question and I would tell people we had so much variety that no one ever really concentrates on any one thing. I used to play pool at Q's in pasadena, drink at Dublins and Miyagis on Sunset, go to Santa Monica Promenade and drink at slushers, play pool at Santa Monica, go to Universal City walk, go to the Orange Walk/Promenade in the OC, go to The Grove on 3rd and fairfax, drink martinis at Lolas on fairfax to meet women, go boogey boarding at Malibu/Pacific Palisades, walk down Venice beach, play arcades at Redondo Beach, go to the yardbird in Fullerton and ish just drink period in fullerton, go to random house parties, go to the movies at various malls from Beverly Center to Del Amo mall, occasionally go to a party in Long Beach and if I got really bored would head down to San Diego to the gas lamp district.... So ask yourself where does High School football fit into that life! It never does unless someone tells me my High School homecoming is coming up and then I might come through just to see people.

That's why we live in LA because on top of the normal stuff everyone else has like pool, basketball, playing cards and dominoes we got like 100 places to go depending on how far we want to drive. I think that's why most people in LA are laid back because there's no rush to do anything.

brohammas said...

BIG 12 overrated, sure. NOTHING ismore overrated than Clemson. Every year preseason ranked in the top ten, every year finishing ranked, nothing. Fans send money, talk all day on the radio about recruits, brag about how they play better teams than everybody else, and how a 5-5 season at Clemson is better than a PAC-10 9-1 season.
Really "Clemp-son"? really?

bingkee said...

Those boobs scare me....hahahah!

uglyblackjohn said...

@ FreeMan - Yeah... an average day in Cali is like a holiday almost everywhere else.
I saw a USA Today article that pointed out that LA had a NASCAR race, several big college football games, awards shows and concerts as well as having Disneyland, Knott's, and Magic Mountain all at full capacity and more all on the same weekend.
In Cali - there is a demographic for EVERYTHING.

@ brohammas - Notre Dame gets my vote as the most over-rated school.

@ bingkee - Me too.

KST said...

^ As an Ohio State grad, I agree - Notre Dame is over-rated. Please don't say anything about my Bucks choking - I'll cry, and then light a couch on fire.

S'mores - Use the microwave.

Fake Boobies? Eh, wouldn't know about that. I would prefer that mine shrink, but men don't seem to like that idea.

Can't really comment on the other ones, but sex on the beach never seemed like a good idea.