Thursday, June 4, 2009

Television Hijacking

Every guy has experienced it - The act of your (woman, wife, girlfriend or friend with benefits) hijacking the television in the middle of a game, match or fight.
"You know that I watch Desperate Housewives on Sundays" or "Ooooh, The midget family is on" are common reactions during a man's viewing hours.
If a man tries to retire to another room to finish watching his show, he gets an earful of - "You never want to spend any time with me!".

So in the end - a guy learns all the names of the Goslin children (Oooh, I can't stand Kate. That B is annoying.), or that Bre is the domestic one, or that Stacy London is the guru of fashion, or that the little Olympic gymnast won Dancing With The Stars, or that the guy who wasn't gay won American Idol.

I'm no pimp - I just know a lot of women.
After I've helped a mother with her children, or made a repair to her car or home, or helped them land a job - many wish they could pay me.
But most can't.
Then the offer becomes that of some 'tnussy'.
But (Sorry for the language SjP) - Pussy ain't payment.
So feeling indebted - they cook.
(I don't think that I spend more than one hundred dollars a month on groceries.)
And these women have friends.
It's from these friends that I usually end up making friends of my own.
And herein lies the problem - these friends watch these reality shows.
And in turn - I watch these reality shows.

I never realized that, literally, anyone can become famous (to a certain degree) while doing anything.
Drive a truck? They have Ice Road Truckers.
If one cooks - Iron Chef, Hell's Kitchen or that cake show.
Cut down trees? They have a show for that too.
There is even a show about the dirty jobs other people do.

Then there are the "celebrity" shows.
Flavor Flav was resurrected by his appearance on that show with other celebrities all living in the same house (Surreal Life?).
After his affair with Brigitte Neilson, he and Brigitte were given a show of their own (Strangelove).
After that romance fizzled - Flav got a new show seeking to find his true love (Flavor of Love).
And after one of the losing contestants was spat upon and failed to land Mr Drayton the second time around - she (New York) was given her own show.
(And then two of the losing contestants were given their own show.)
Now New York has a show that shows her doing different dirty jobs.
How can one go from being a stripper to the losing contestant to a media darling?

So how do I know all this?
My television was hijacked.


Max Reddick said...

You mean other men go through this too? Right now I'm exiled from my own bedroom while my wife watches Desperate Housewives of New York. Or something like that. They all run together.

And don't even mention American Idol. I was so glad that show ended. I'm so absolutely tired of reality TV. One needs to watch only a little bit before they realized that the reality was staged.

uglyblackjohn said...

@ Max - I think EVERY guy has to deal with this.

brohammas said...

this is exactly what laptops and your blog were created for.
That way I can almost watch what I want to watch, on a smaller screen and quieter, blog a bit, and still remind my wife that Lawrence Taylor was possibly the greatest defensive player ever and shouldn't have to dance if he doesnt want too because all the NFL was at one time afraid of him...
She still thinks Emmit is the guy who won that one year.
its sad.

RunningMom said...

The game is usually on at my house... since I shut all that nonsense cable off. But uh, yep, no man to wax poetic about how great I am not to have that bs on the tv - go figure!