Friday, March 20, 2009

Low Self Esteem ?

Our town's school Spring Break starts today, and all these bad azz little niglets are running around acting as if they have no parents.
I just had to pick up one of my young cousins from school early because he was involved in a food fight. (His mother couldn't pick him up because she was too busy getting her hair "did".)
But hey... at least it wasn't a gang fight or riot.
As is common prior to any release day, these were just kids having fun .

Many of our boys don't know who they are.
They have no role models to look to - to see how to do thing the right way.
If a kid doesn't know his father (or has no idea who his father is), the kid is going to have a tough time finding out what (and how) he is supposed to be.

If someone rich approaches the kid - the rich man will be dismissed as not being able to understand the kid's situation.
If someone poor approaches the kid - the poor man will be dismissed as not knowing how to succeed.
If an organization approaches the kid - they will be thought of as just another aspect of the government, and in turn - just another element to exploit.
This is why individual relationships are important.
Kids listen to those whom they respect (not necessarily fear).

But these kids have no idea how to see themselves.

What are you good at?
This is what I always asks young children.
If it's art - they're an artist,
School - a scholar,
Sports - an athlete,
Handling stress - a leader,
and so on and on.

They have to be able to see themselves as more than a latch-key kid.
They have to see themselves as more than a fatherless (or absentee father) child.
They have to see their future in terms at which they can excel.
They have to be more than Black. (Or to be more precise, more than the standard image of what it is to be Black.)
They can't see themselves as a victim of slavery - but as one of a group who overcame the institution.

They can't buy into the victomology of past or perceived wrongs. (If they focus solely on the "victim" aspect, that's all they'll ever be. Even when they've overcome their circumstance - all they'll see is "Victim" - they'll never be able to fully enjoy their successes)

But Blacks aren't the only sub-group with low self-esteem.
Many Asians, Latinos/Hispanics, Middle Easterners, Native Americans, etc.. blame their problems on their perceived race.
Fat people blame their failures on their weight.
Ugly people blame their failures on their looks.
Poor people blame their failures on money.
Gay people blame their failures on being gay.
Unschooled people blame their failures on their lack of an education...
Every group has their own form of victimology.
Every group (or person) is hindered by their own insecurities.
The whole 'You gotta' be twice as good..." speech worked for some - but doesn't work for many.
The philosophy itself isn't wrong, in fact it's useful.
But since no philosophy is universal - every kid needs something to believe in that helps them elevate themselves beyond their current situation.
Religion works for some, for others it's their extended family, and others are inspired by comic books or movies.
The medium is not as important as the message.
(As I'm typing this, I just popped one of my young cousins in the chest after shaking his hand. He brought a report card full of "F"s up to a report card full of "C"s. Good, but not the best that he could do. And he understands that now.)
Apparently, my medium is a solid blow to the chest (for some).
Yes,
I am Black.
But I can't view it a more of a liability than it is an asset.
I can't buy into all of the limitations the label holds.
When someone doesn't like me, it's more than likely because I'm often an ass.
If someone is rude to me - more than likely, I've offended them earlier.
If someone treats me unjustly - it proves their ignorance, not mine.
As with almost everyone else, I have my insecurities or shortcomings- But being Black isn't one of them.

4 comments:

brohammas said...

I am constantly being discriminhated against because I'm really, really, ridiculously good looking.

Citizen Ojo said...

you are a regular self help guru..

uglyblackjohn said...

@ brohammas - That's actually what I was trying to say.
Some people hate anyone who is thought to be better than themselves.
I know parents who tell their kids about how they used to beat up the light skinnned girls with "good hair".
When I ask "why".
The response is "Because they were pretty".
What's up with that?

@ Ojo - I wish.

RunningMom said...

lol @ Brohammas. witty!

More than I would like to admit the negative or low self esteem thoughts run through my head for all sorts of different reasons. Instead of letting those thoughts take over, I try to be thankful everyday for the opportunities and gifts I do have rather than what I don't have or what I feel are shortcomings. I am a work in progress. Sigh.