Okay... I'm not one who follows every incident that happens to become the lead story of TMZ or Entertainment Tonight.But reading the blog posts and responses to the Chris Brown/Rhianna episode offers insight to what is expected in an assumed civilized society.
When the incident makes it onto hard news programs, then it's a story.
I'm not sure if the altercation took place over an alleged Booty-Call or news that Rhianna had given CB Herpes.
I would be mad if I caught Chlamydia from a girl, but I wouldn't beat her (I should have had enough sense to use some sort of protection.
But if it was Herpes, I might be mad enough to hit that girl.
Taking a big pink pill is different than being stuck with permanent luggage.
But I've hit a girl before - twice.
Once, the girl and I were just playing around slap-boxing.
She could hit me, if a punch landed, but I had to pull my punches.
On one punch, the girl stepped into the punch and ended up getting thumped in her chest...hard.
"Down goes Frasier!", I joked.
Then I asked if she was alright and apologized.
She said that she wasn't mad and that she knew it was an accident, but that she was sore (and crying).
Her friends, on the other hand, were ready to fight.
Usually I do the old Rope-A-Dope and let the girl try to hit me.
After she's spent her anger and energy - then we'll talk.
But the other incident was one where I asked a girl to drop me off at a house in a bad neighborhood.
I told her to wait ten minutes, and if I wasn't out - she should leave.
Fifteen minutes later, the girl walks through the front door.
I had been called in the middle of dinner with the girl to go to a house and safely remove one of my friend's friends from a bad situation.
(Being that I had a history of cheating on the girl, she had assumed that I was just dismissing her while making a booty-call on another girl.)
The girl had added another level of stress to an already stressful situation.
I now had to ensure her safety as well as the friend's friend and my own. She just put me into a worse situation.
After we left, I drove a block and got out of the car to argue with her. But she wouldn't listen.
I grabbed her by her throat and explained that she could have gotten us both killed and then pushed her away and then I walked away.
After she understood the situation, she calmed down.
But in both incidents, I could have been charged with assault.
I could have been branded a "Wife-Beater" (even though we weren't married) and as someone who should be shunned.
I come from a home where my step-dad would beat my mom to the point of her having to go to the hospital on a monthly basis.
So if anyone has a tendency to hit women, it's people like me.
Or Chris Brown.
But the CB/R incident has brought the issue of domestic violence to the kitchen tables of millions of households.
In many circles, domestic violence is just a part of any relationship.
I've heard older women telling their daughters and grand daughters that being beaten is just something that a woman has to deal with if she wants to keep her man.
That being beaten was something to be expected.
But what has changed?
Is the fact that both singers have personas that are seen as more from a Mouseketeers mold than from a ghetto mold ascribe more value to both victims?
Someone commented on another blogger's post that things would have been different had Rhianna looked like Mo'Nique.
Maybe.
Rhianna is closer to the acceptable level of American beauty.
Tall, thin and sexy.
She is closer to the ideal.
And being closer to the ideal - she is seen as having more value.
Not quite Nicole Simpson value - but having more value than Mo'Nique.
Looks have a lot to do with value.
How many women go missing every day?
How many make the national news?
Of these, how many are seen as attractive and happen to be white?
You see, the closer to the ideal - the more value.
But I can't comment in either way regarding the CB/R situation.
I don't know what happened or why.
But the fact that a Black woman is allotted some value in modern society has to be a sign of progress.
The fact that many young Black males are learning from the lessons of Chris Brown has to be seen as sign of progress.
Maybe CB/R can use this incident to help others.
Maybe some good will come from this.
My son's dad hit me once. He came over drunk (he had a key, big mistake!) he was messing with me, starting shit. I pushed him away, he kept at it. I smacked him (very lightly) on his cheek, he socked me in my face. He hit me hard enough to cut my lip which then swelled.
ReplyDeleteI told him if he ever hit me again I would kill him. And I meant it.
He never did it again.
As for your two situations.. I admire your restraint, especially with the 2nd one.
Domestic abuse is something I think has existed but we have not dealt with in our community. It is a "shameful" thing that does not get talked about and as you said something that gets passed on from generation to generation.
ReplyDeleteI remember my stepfather jumping on my mother once and me threatning him with a frying pan (to this day I think i should have just clocked him). The next day he sat me down and explained to me that he does not interfere when she would punish me so I should not interfere when he does her. My response was that i was her child and she was his wife. Somehow he failed to understand my point.
Does bodyslamming count as hitting women? I've body slammed a couple of girls in my day because I couldn't hit them. I also sat on one in the mud and messed up her clothes but I never actually put up my fists. Usually you have to control a girls hands and thus the easiest thing to do is slam her ass into the grass so that's what I did.
ReplyDeleteThis whole CB thing is crazy because Herpes is forever so I can see that resulting in violence. Now you know you are starting a fight with this post because some one will come on here and say hitting a woman is never appropriate but most likely that person hasn't been confronted with raging women in their life. Now if a guy is out just knocking women out then yeah but circumstances determine the severity of the response.
This is going to be a lively discussion for sure!
@ RunningMom - I see why he is now your EX.
ReplyDelete@ D.J. - I tried to stop my step father... once.
After I woke back up, I learned that he could beat me pretty bad too.
When I got big enough to stop him, I had to move out of his house.
@ D.FreeMan - Body-slam?
Damn... more than once?
These women should have learned that YOU don't play.
But I have had other girls beat up a girl for me. They knew who it was coming from even though I didn't have to do it.
Some women try to use the fact that you won't hit them as an excuse to start some mess and take it too far.
Getting whooped by Big Jackie and The Ugly Sisters usually solves that problem.
I read this piece earlier this morning and carried it w/me. Not the CB thing, but your admission of that environment growing up.
ReplyDeleteI can count on one hand minus a few fingers where my father touched my mom but no beatdowns, split lips etc.
Sometimes I really like you UBJ. But then you post crap about fat girls and I get over it pretty quickly.
(((((0))))) = fat girl hug.
Sometimes administering the pimp slap is necessary.
ReplyDelete